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For
Family and Friends
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When
an illness so serious strikes the woman of the house,
the nucleus of the family is affected. Every one feels
the anguish and pain, the anxiety and anger is often
un-addressed as they rush to console and cajole the
person who is affected.
To provide a support network for emotional and psychological
support, for all practical purposes to support the
patient themselves-both family members and friends
need practical assistance and information how to cope
in this rather unique situation. You are the best
caregivers - as family and friends- so educate and
empower yourself in order to be of any valuable help.
Yet at this difficult moment of challenges a family
and friend must face their own fears about their loved
one's situation. Whether you need emotional support
to deal with your own feelings or want help understanding
her loved one's condition, you will need support to
stay afloat in this quagmire, much less to navigate.
Joining a support group may be a good way for you
to get the support you need. At a minimum, you need
someone who will listen to your reactions, thoughts,
and feelings. Recounting your experiences to someone
you trust may help you separate the wheat from the
chaff in terms of what makes sense to you and what
doesn't. We hope to provide a few tips to guide you
along this path -
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How to be a good friend
and family member |
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Listen |
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Don't be scared to cry or share the pain |
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Hear
what the person is leaving unsaid in her painful silences
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Go out as normal |
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Treat your friendship as normal |
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Express your own pain and anguish |
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Ask how your friend would need your help and advice |
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Keep your friend company during a lonely moment, or
take over for a family member who may need a break. |
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Volunteer to drive your friend to the hospital before
surgery and while recuperating. |
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Prescription, medical records or equipment pick-up are
always welcome, as your friend may be too unwell to
travel back and forth |
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Chemotherapy can take from two to three hours to complete,
be a good companion during these long hours alone |
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Delegate logistical and tasks necessitated by everyday
life - between family and friends - so that the patient
will have more free time, for the fighting her cancer |
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Maintaining your sense of humor is important, and make
sure you laugh with a friend - everyone needs a suit
of smiles to cover the pain within |
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If you are at a distance, never underestimate the effect
of cards and phone calls. |
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You may send some random cards, or commit to a regular
schedule of sending cards. |
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Offer something like the following:
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I'm
going to come over and clean your kitchen (do
your laundry, or whatever);
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I'm
available to do the following things: hang pictures,
do minor plumbing repairs, small electrical work;
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I'm
going to bring something for your dinner (or freezer).
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Other
things to offer include: taking the car for maintenance;
babysitting; shopping, groceries or other specifics;
offering to carry heavy things; or if your friend
is having trouble reading, offering books on tape
or reading to her
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Form a "team" or supportive group of friends
that can assist in various ways:
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Organize
a food brigade if needed;
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Offer
to serve as a central clearinghouse for someone
too ill to do much talking. Her friends can call
you for an update;
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Organize
a phone tree so that if your friend is hospitalized
or her condition suddenly changes, the "A
Team" and other important people are notified;
especially her family members overseas
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Support
your friends' family with occasional phone calls.
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If
you have a special skill, such as make-up offer
to give your friend a consultation
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Be
understanding if your friend cannot take your
phone call
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Support
her immediate family and younger children, helping
them to understand the changes in their lives
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